BCRF – Make a Difference Everday
Time does not come to us. We must reconnect and create time and space for the joys and pleasure in our lives.
For so many of us, we have lost touch with time. We are most often operating in overload and overwhelm with work and personal responsibilities and obligations. As a result, we may have lost touch with things and activities that formerly gave us pleasure.
Some of us are so consumed with the myriad of tasks/busywork in our lives that we may not even miss what we’ve lost or stopped doing for fun. These are now just absent from our radar.
The reasons here are many perhaps, but the outcome is the same. We are simply existing and not really living life to the fullest. Let’s rethink this and question ourselves reflectively.
Work is a necessity and a service of honor. What we choose to do in and around our service and caregiving determines the quality of our lives.
According to Bishop Carl Smith, “We are born looking like our parents. When we die, we look like the decisions we’ve made.”
Choose to live, and if you need, you and I can have some conversations.
Always,
-Beverly
Guest Contributer
Beverly Kyer, MSW, ACSW
CEO & Founder, The Kyer Group Corp
A National Service
E-mail: beverly@beverlykyer.com
www.beverlykyer.com
The holidays are upon us. Some of us are excited, and some of us may have some trepidation about the inherent stressors related to preparations, selecting and shopping for gifts, expenses, and visitations. At this time of the year, there is also awareness and grief about loved ones no longer with us, and yes…some challenging relationships that are still with us (OH MY!).
Make your own plans to create a delightful season for you and those you love to be with.
No matter your traditions, this is possible to do. It is part of my re-defining and re-designing your life philosophy.
First of all, block negative thinking and anticipating about negatives that may or usually occur. Reset your mind about the joyous sharing you plan to create and smile inside and out.
Even when loved ones are no longer with us at the table, decide how you choose to remember them and carry on the gifts they possessed and left behind for us.
This is not easy to do at all. I know this all too well. After the death of my mother when I was a child; the death of my father when I was an adult; the death of my surrogate brother and then the death of my son just three years ago, the holidays were never the same. I take the sorrow that still rises to the top and go and join myself with other loved ones with whom I get to laugh and love and exhale. Making a choice to do this is the beginning and/or the continuance of the healing process.
I am not defined by grief, I am defined by the love I got from each of them.
Regarding the visitations you attend out of obligation, more than for the joy of sharing. Muster your positive energy and go in a spirit of grace.
Be determined not to engage in negative conversations. Just smile and say Uh Hmm! Keep the visit short after a respectful passage of time. Grouchy, complaining, and judgmental people often need some company. They too need to know that they matter to someone. Muster your compassion and be a gift to them for a while and then give them a hug and wish them well as you depart.
Now go and join the laughter.
If there is no apparent place to visit, do something different like going to a concert, join some new acquaints, volunteer to serve on food lines for the homeless, or help pass out gifts for children and youth whose parents are incarcerated. These types of holiday season activities fill a void inside of us with such joy…
This season is always significantly impacted by compounded responsibilities of work and caregiving.
During the season there are increases of distress and grief-driven behaviors especially among our at-risk client and patient populations. For many in the helping profession there is also the likelihood of increased intakes; increased caseloads. This is a factor that significantly adds to the concerns/pressures/ critical incidents /etc. we experience in our service and caregiving.
Condition yourself by daily carving out several moments to decompress, release, reboot, and recharge yourself.
Connect with your therapeutic community, your orchestra people, your accountability partners, your creative friends, your spiritual community, your joy crowd if you will.
Write some uplifting activities in STONE so that you know these activities will happen.
What is also important here, is that you have these plans to look forward to as part of your “mental /emotional shifts” on those days that are particularly difficult. If your days are not particularly stressful, great! You have simply added fuel/reserves of energy. Again, I urge, make a determined decision to create calm, peace, joy, and laughter for yourself.
I am wishing you an abundance of peace, laughter, and joy.
Always,
-Beverly
Guest Contributer
Beverly Kyer, MSW, ACSW
CEO & Founder, The Kyer Group Corp
A National Service
E-mail: beverly@beverlykyer.com
www.beverlykyer.com
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Yep. We all love our mothers. Moms are usually showered with candy, flowers, brunch at the fancy restaurants, spa certificates, special trips, etc., etc. And I can’t lie, they deserve every bit of that attention but there are plenty of wonderful fathers out there that don’t get the respect they deserve.
My mother, aunts and Grandma all said that my Grandfather Arthur, “Polo” as he was affectionately known, was an incredible man and father. He was jack of all trades, a businessman, a farmer and a carpenter, a protector and a leader. He passed away before I was born, so I never got the chance to experience his love first hand.
My grandma once told me the story of how he built their first home. Chopping wood, laying the foundation, putting up the walls, sunrise to sunset and days of working away to build shelter for his family. It was a one room log cabin and at the time they had two kids, my aunt Rosa Lee and Uncle Jimmy. Four people living in a one room house. My grandmother said she was so proud just to have a home she could call her own. Simple, a roof over her family’s head, built by the man she loved. I still remember the smile on her face when she told me that story.
Over 25 years ago my grandmother give me the tape measure my grandfather used to build that cabin. I was too young to understand its significance and lost it soon after she gave it to me. It had no monetary value but it meant the world to my grandmother. Too bad I’ll never be able to get back my grandfather’s tape measure and I regret my carelessness every time I think of him. Losing that tape measure was one of the reasons why I got into the collectibles business.
Famous treasured objects are a part of world history; other objects carry a personal story and are treasured by loved ones. For the past few years I’ve been saving objects for the next generation, items that may never become famous treasures but will hopefully become a part of some loved ones’ personal story.
I didn’t know Grandpa Arthur but I’m blessed to know plenty of other good fathers. My uncle Ned, friends Joe, Walker and Derek, cousins Wallace, Tyrone, Gary and Cornelius, to name a few. In general, good dads get a bad deal when it comes to being showered with gifts or attention on a regular basis. So, today I give a special shout-out to the good fathers in our lives.
Let’s remember to celebrate them not just on Father’s Day or the holidays, salute them anytime the mood hits you. Let’s make sure the good men know we love and thank them for being protectors and a leaders.
If there is something special you’d like to share about your father let us know. We will be happy to publish your sentiments in an upcoming issue of CJ’s newsletter.